walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
