Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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