THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she peed on how many people?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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