My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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