Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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