If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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