everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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