Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
