R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
