I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm getting married
To pizza
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
