so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
