I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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