dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
