Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
