You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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