i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
