Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
