I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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