This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
