You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
