So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
