Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
