Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm too high and old for this...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize