i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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