im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
