You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
