I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
