and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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