he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
