i don't plan on having that self control this summer
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
