I just cut my nipple shaving
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
