I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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