We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
