He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
