piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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