What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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