If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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