My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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