Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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