dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
