The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
