Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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