This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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