She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
