My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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