Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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