Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
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I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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