i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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