she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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