Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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