Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
