You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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