I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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