You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
