Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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