that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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