I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
