Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
