i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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