you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
