I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
