when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
