just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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