well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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