Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
