I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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