he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
