he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize