Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You can't special order awesome
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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