shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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