I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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