We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
