he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
