I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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