in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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