I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
