so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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