You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
