i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
