i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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