I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
