i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
