Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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