I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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