She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
