a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
