Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
