see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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