so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
