you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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