You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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