Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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