I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
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the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
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Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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