Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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