I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
